Rome wasn't built in a day ...

My mind is an ace athlete! A sprinter, a pole-vaulter, a boxer ... what not. That's why those gray cells dash around and zig zag and generally tire themselves out while my human body sleepwalks through life and its' accompanying motions of hyperactivity and ensuing lethargy ...

Amidst all these wanderings I pick up on some strands of thoughts ... a song here, a friend's status update there, and twist them to reiterate the quests that are mine ... and perhaps yours too ... We share a story about the obvious - and the unsaid ... the expectations that are yet to be met - the wishes that are yet to be fulfilled. I have so much ... yet is this what I wanted ... perhaps ... perhaps not ...

Do I even know what I want ... not really, not always ... that bothered me - a lot ... till I chanced upon the concept of Neti Neti just the other day ... apparently even the Upanishads mention the mantra of "neither this, nor that." Wiki - the modern day friend, philosopher, and guide explained this as "an analytical process of conceptualizing something by clearly defining what it is not." ... Sort of a process of elimination ... Is that what life is?... Never looked at it like that before ...

Life then perhaps is a book and the chapters lived are those chapters that we can go back to and read ... it was fun cooking together that day, sitting and sharing that pastry, watching that sunset together ... And the days ahead are still to be written - and if we take them each page at a time it will surely be an interesting read one fine day ... of a journey through the times ... of my life - and yours too ... just got to be patient ... after all Rome wasn't built in a day ...

When did we grow up? (and do we have to?)

It's funny but this has been bothering me for some time now ... I don't mind doing my bit - taking care of all the fun stuff around the house -yes that's laundry, groceries, getting the food on the table and what not. But some how at the back of my mind I always feel that I'm just playing house ... I guess I'm still a kid to me :))

As nieces and nephews around me start sitting, and crawling, and walking, and talking ... start school ... I realize my complaint will soon change to "wow how fast these kids grow up!" ... but for now I'm still concerned about me - my friends and my soul sisters ... We were giggling and playing and shopping and over all enjoying the party when all of a sudden phew there's so much happening ...

Here's an example - it's the Puja weekend and I am so looking forward to dressing up - and at the back of my mind I wonder will I look like my Mom if I wear that sari or that jewelry ... it's all about "feeling" grown-up I guess .... There's probably a myriad chains of thoughts battling each other ...too much to handle for that wee little thing called a brain!

Well I guess it's all part of the mystery called Life ... and some mysteries will remain unsolved ;)

The V word!

Mmm - the V word - what could that be - vacation? Maybe - I am back from one and ready for another :) ... But today I speak of one that we search for everyday in our near ones little actions, words, thoughts ... mostly we search subconsciously and rarely do we feel we have enough ... A recent tryst with introspection ( I just love these aha moments ;)) made me realize that it's the Validation we receive (or don't) while growing up and the Validation we seek even as adults that make us what we are ...

My aha moment came of all times during a Lady Gaga concert ... she is such a performer! Talented - creative - best of all she knows what her little monsters want and need - Validation... does that mean she is taking advantage of a bunch of needy/ greedy people? Well she seems to be saying the words with a warmth and sincerity that makes her more of a potential world leader than a mere pop icon ... and so many of her monsters perhaps never got much of it from their family and friends ... so they can hardly be blamed if they lap it up like crazy - Like the young boy who sat behind us and screamed himself silly at the concert! The hubby (mine) wasn't too happy with that bit initially but the evening was all about self expression and I soon caught him joining in at his boisterous best!

As we all climb our little or not-so-little mountains this is perhaps the best gift we can give ourselves and our loved ones - a warm hug, a word of appreciation ... As Lady G said - each one of us hear at one point or the other that we aren't pretty enough, smart enough, don't sing well enough, or something or the other - but at the end of the day every little bit that makes us contributes to make an unique entity - full of potential and beauty! So let's just leave the criticisms, negative thoughts, self doubt behind and win the world! Woohoo!

Celebrating Choices!

The last month whizzed by amidst a lot of celebrations - small and big - trivial and momentous - but on thinking back all these celebrations primarily celebrate our choices. ... My cousin got married in India and although many of us in the Bay Area couldn't travel all the way - we did make time to sit down and raise a toast to the couple :D

We missed out on the shehnai and saris true - but trying to raise our voices and carry on a conversation amidst the crazy din at the restaurant - the familiar familial teasing verging on verbal tasering - oh I'm glad we all chose to make time that evening! And I am oh so glad that my cousin back home has the right to choose her life-partner ... what with the "honor killings" in some parts of India (and the rest of the world) we should seriously take a moment to appreciate some of the things we take for granted!

But July was not just about family - where would we be on these faraway shores without our friends? And juggling babies and/or books makes simple tea or dinner dates as complicated as rocket science! But I'm glad we were able to move our individual mountains and make time for each other. It's funny how we collectively decide to wear dresses or saris - simple enough but fundamentally it's all about choices - Had we been Muslim women in France who would like to wear their burqa atop their dresses as of this month that really wouldn't be a choice would it?

Simple things but definitely worth celebrating! To choices then!

Addictive Devices, Voyeur Culture - Boon or a Curse - My Choice!

It's been some time that I've known that I'm battling an addiction - like all addicts I still tell myself that I'm in control - but my inner voice tells me otherwise. It's not just checking emails or Facebook first thing in the morning- thanks to that demon device (an iPhone) it's pretty much in bed - out of bed - probably every 20 minutes. By now you are probably smirking at me - but hey it's not just me there's a million or more out there - and it's widely known to be the biggest online Time sink.

I actually Googled up a couple of links that may help me heal myself - and all you closet addicts out there are welcome to sneak a peek:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program
http://www.thedailymind.com/productivity/facebook-syndrome-8-ways-to-beat-your-facebook-addiction/
The first is a link to the Alcoholics Anonymous program - it's been adapted for several other addiction programs so I'm guessing the basic tenets should work for online/Facebook addiction as well - So here are the main steps:

• admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion;
• recognizing a greater power that can give strength;
• examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member);
• making amends for these errors;
• learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
• helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions.

I've already taken the first step - and believe in the second - the second link is actually a write-up by someone who was able to cure his Facebook addiction so that covers the third step. The one I've hurt most by this addiction is unfortunately me so I'm planning to make amends by communicating with my inner self - as a first step I look forward to reading once again - for academic interests, self-help books and my long-time favorite fiction! so off to the 5th step.
This is the part where I get to create and master a hopefully sustainable plan to help me take care of myself - otherwise I wouldn't be able to take care of anyone else right? Easier said than done - but I will consciously limit my online time as suggested in the second link. So if I don't reply to your email with my usual alacrity please understand that it's not you - it's me! And I'm not saying I won't be on Facebook - just not always there - if you miss me just feel free to give me a call!
By publishing the two links here I'm hoping that some one person out there might be helped as well - AND I will be on to recovery. Thank God I'm not yet a Twitter addict -I've heard that's a pretty tough one as well! Peace!

To Old Friends and New!

I finally got to see Sex And The City 2 and frankly 'am wondering what's all the complaining about ... I enjoyed it - probably enjoyed "being" able to see it just as much as the actual movie! Apparently watching a movie together isn't as easy as it used to be - so boy am I glad that a "new friend" humored me! So I'll start with a shukriyan 'Abu Dhabi' style to this gf - and to those who could have perhaps made it - sorry this was a very last minute plan and hopefully we can catch the next one ;) (and I'm not just talking about the SATC series)

So the girls are now a tad older, more things to juggle - husbands and babies (and nannys), work- life balance, and life itself. What I like about the series and the girls is that they are so easy to relate to - no I don't shop Prada but I do believe there's a little bit of the "Kid" in me ;)- the hopelessly emotional-romantic part. And then I see fragments of Ubercool-Super Savvy Samantha, Type-A Miranda, Striving-for-Perfection Charlotte in some of my favorite girls. I say fragments because as Women all of us (including the reel characters) have many many more dimensions.

True in this movie Samantha is sort of a drug junkie :)) - her regular Cosmopolitans seems to have been replaced by a Suzanne Somers Vitamin cocktail (in order to beat menopause) - and some of the stuff she does in Abu Dhabi are way over the top - But 'they' took away her "magic pills" so it could be withdrawal symptoms right? What hurt me more was the allusion to the subservient Indian labor ever present in the Abu Dhabi hotel and Carrie's inability to pronounce Gaurav. But well people have the right make their life choices (or so we hope) and I'm not too good at French either ...*sigh.* Another thing that's sure to bother some of us is the girls' fascination with the hijab and the burqha - definitely not politically correct - but are we always pc with our friends? What is totally unacceptable is poor Sarah Jessica's eye make-up - Ouch!

See how easily I overlook some of the issues ;) - it's because like many of you out there these girls have already created a niche in my heart by the way they handled their little and not so little strifes. Samantha overcame breast cancer, it wasn't easy for Charlotte to build that family, Miranda took care of her Alzheimer's affected MIL, and how can we forget Carrie's public humiliation when Mr. Big stood her up at the altar.

So if the girls seem flamboyant and frivolous - I say let them be - and that holds for us real life people too - yesterday might have been difficult and who knows what tomorrow holds. If someone's out there enjoying the present - or trying to - you might just be the one losing out if you are too quick to judge them ;) - My my ain't I wise!

The other bit that's so endearing about these girls is like all of us their choices are myriad - yes they'd love to have validation from their friends but too bad if they/we have to choose to agree to disagree. Like adults (are supposed to)they have a mutual agreement to respect and appreciate each other's choices even if they can't 'understand' always. However, the best and most important part is that if the issue is a fundamental one they don't lose their voices in the spiral of silence - be it Samantha's overt sexual innuendos that don't sit well with Charlotte, or Charlotte's inability to accept that being a mother ain't so easy ...

I could go on and one - as you can see :)) - but to cut a long blog short(er) we all need our "interfriensions" from time to time and the True Soul Sisters will always be there (husbands, babies, whatever) - and I so love my reel and real ones! Yes the series had so much more than the movies - but isn't life with the girls so much more fun than a one-off dinner? If I really think about it the one thing I missed in this movie was "the City." - Hope to see more of it next time! Cheers!

Living in the present :)

Yes that's what I am trying to learn since so much time is spent wondering what the future holds or what the past held ... However the present we create sure has refelections of the past in some way or the other ... I have been laughed at many times for my urge to have mid week get togethers - in fact a school friend who was staying over briefly even informed me that I was bound to fall sick soon if I didn't slow down. And I'm sure psychiatrists would love to pigeon hole me but hey I'll be fine - don't you worry!
I grew up an only child but our family was big - parents, grandparents, unmarried aunts, visitors, cousins and their families dropping by - the rituals carried out every few months Saraswati Pujo, Durga Puja, Lakshmi Puja, Bhai Fonta - it sure was fun! As I grew older the family size dwindled slowly - aunts got married - grandparents and in fact parents don't/can't stick around forever. And I remember at one point there was me and my frail darling - my octogenarian Grandma (Thamma) - and she wouldn't let go of the rituals - they actually were her gift to me in a way. And I'd scramble to invite all our neighbors so that I could make the house a bustling place for Thamma to play her matriarchal role that evening - and yes all our neighbors were amazing folks who stepped in right away!
After I came to the US, I started my own rituals here but as always life gets in the way - sometimes in the nicest way - What is Bhai Fonta without the brother?And Aubon my cousin just grew up and went off to study! How very unfair - hehe! So today's mid-week get together is just to celebrate that Aubon's back temporarily and I'm glad that I have you all in my life to love :)
These bursts of casual together times with friends and family today will surely be fondly remembered tomorrow when life perhaps gets even busier - but for now creating the present will take some hard work and culinary skills so I guess I should sign off! I didn't want to reminisce too much but life does shape who we are so might as well acknowledge it! Hope you have a fun one!